Dreams not forgotten

My heart is racing. I’ve got twenty or so kids hanging on to my skirt, waiting for me to decide our next move. The rebels are closing in on us through the tall grass like sharks in their element. Our only option is to run right across the dusty clearing-completely exposed. I look down at the anxious little faces, & hear a whisper in my ear, “Go. I’m with you.” Courage takes over. “Ok. Everyone stay close, run as fast as you can, & pray.” We turn the corner & RUN. I hear yells & gun shots.  Suddenly everything seems to slow down. I see bullets flying toward us, then dropping. More are shot, but they fall to the ground just before hitting us….

To be honest, I can’t remember what happens after that. It was one of many dreams I had years ago when my heart was first gripped for the nation of Uganda. That was seven years ago. Since then it’s been an interesting journey of letting God form the dreams in my heart & also letting Him lead me. A lot of times His steps have seemed to be going in the opposite direction of my dreams. But little did I know that when I committed to YWAM Ireland, I’d end up living with a half Irish, half Ugandan family, & have the chance to go back to Uganda. Every little step of obedience was unto something greater. He really was, and still is, worth the deepest trust. He never forgets dream, nor do they ever grow cold.

In 4 days, I will be accompanying Annmarie & her three girls to Uganda for a trip I’m sure we’ll never forget. For the Asiimwe family, it is their fist time being back in Uganda since Nathan died. We will be visiting his past ministry partners as well as spending time out in the countryside with his family. I feel honored to be going with them as practical, emotional, & spiritual support. We feel God has amazing surprises for us all there, & the “bigger picture” has only just started to unfold.

GOD IS ALWAYS GOOD.

Back in Ireland for good.

//  “Be still my ever-beating heart; don’t stop, just hold on.” – Joseph  //

Here I am, in Ireland again. The place I call my home away from home. This time around it’s a bit different though. I’m not staffing a school, I’m not planning a big outreach to a different country; all my bags are unpacked, completely. The moment I received that two-year visa, I knew it was time to be in Northern Ireland; it was time to marry the land.

So, again, here I am, learning just to be. I am living with a beautiful family of 3 young girls, a very strong mother, & the memory of a loving father, who passed away nearly two years ago, but whose place is so evidently filled by the Perfect Father. (You can read more about this family on my “meet the family” page above). The smaller community under YWAM that I so closely identified myself with has dispersed. Some are renewing their visas & plan to be back in the fall, some have gone back to the US for good, & some have left YWAM for good.

It’s a lot quieter now, & I have to cast my own vision. My time is not consumed by classes & meetings & students; in fact my time isn’t really consumed at all. I sense though that with this new freedom, my character is to be tested even more so than in the midst of a busy ministry. What will I choose to do with my time? My life is ministry-there’s no divide between sacred & secular. Cleaning toilets is just as holy as leading the masses in worship, because the Holy God dwells within me…..if only I could believe that as easily as I just typed it! Daily I am fighting the pride & laziness & loneliness that has come with this change of pace. But Philippians 1:11 (NLT) says, “May you always be filled with the fruit of your salvation-the righteous character produced in your life by Jesus Christ-for this will bring much glory & praise to God.” The refining of my character is not only valid for a season, but for life!

So, with that verse read (& written down everywhere as a reminder), I can trust that as I let God transform my character, as I invest in the people around me, & yes, even as I clean the toilets, God is receiving His glory! That is my vision for the season! To God be the glory!

(If you are looking to find more practical details of what I’m doing here, check out my “ministry” page above)

small things

In the last two & a half months, I have trekked through the Himalayas, seen over 100 people come to Jesus, including two witch doctors in a small village called Tay (ha), I have seen blind eyes open, deaf ears open, broken bones pop back into place, tumors disappear, but most importantly, lives radically & instantly set free & changed forever by the LOVE of Jesus. The limitless love of this Man has been the most impressive thing. Period.

I apologize for not updating you all more often, but above quickly sums up my time here in Nepal. As we are leaving in less than two weeks though, I have been reflecting on the larger-picture things the Lord has taught me, & I’d say the number one thing is this: Loving steadily, minute by minute, choice by choice, is what He values most! Something happened the day after Christmas that really brought this to light. Here is the journal entry that came of it:

[The Love of a Mother]

“Christmas was really hard this year without my family. But as I sat in the Iris children’s home with an orphan-made-daughter falling asleep in my lap, as I ran my fingers through her hair, I realized something: my mother used to run her fingers through my hair. I never asked for it, she just did it, & because of it, though such a small thing, I knew I was loved. And now, as I had freely received, I was freely giving. I was loving in the small way that I had learned to love. I was loving with a mother’s love, this one that was without a mother.

I would like to say that it was as if something deep within me arose & sprung into action, but in reality, it was all very natural & effortless & easy. It was obvious that my mother, long ago, had planted seeds of love into my soft little heart. They were just small seeds, like running her fingers through my hair, but deeply planted & watered with care & constant affection. Over time, these seeds sprouted, took root, & began to grow. They grew & grew & grew, until they were limbs & leaves, great branches &, eventually, as seen on this night, fruit. Oh what value those small seeds had! For it seems that, with time, many small seeds planted deeply become a beautiful garden.

I was very thankful for my mother this night & the way she faithfully loved in small ways, which in God’s eyes is in fact a very big deal. For I believe His loves is similar. It all began in a garden, where He walked & talked with the ones He loved. And now He wants my heart to blossom & grow into a similar garden where fruit of love & righteousness grow in His presence, where He can teach me to love like He loves. Then one day when He returns, & He will return, my heart will be ready. But until then, I will be faithful in the little things, I will keep loving in small ways, knowing that my garden is growing, & God is pleased.”

I am on a daily journey of learning how to love. I am a missionary, so it is my job (& my joy) to constantly remove my limits, be the hands & feet of Jesus, & love in new & greater ways. It is, though, nice when you find that way of loving that comes so naturally, like you were made to love in that way. I was made to love the motherless because that kind of love, the love of a mother, is in my bones. My prayer for you all this next year is this: that you would freely pour out the love that is in your bones, love in new & greater ways, & love in the small things too.

New things

Since I last wrote, lots of happened!

YWAM Ireland participated in a 200 mile prayer walk criss-crossing the border of Northern Ireland & the Republic of Ireland. We were hoping to “stitch up a wound” in a sense, & bring the hope of unity to torn lands where the Protestants & Catholics have always fought. We were able to talk to many locals about Jesus being our TRUE hope & peace & even see the coming together of both Churches for nights of prayer & worship! It was incredible-we even made it to the newspaper, shown above.

After that we brought our 15 students up north to Coleraine where we continued with lectures, & in our times of evangelism saw several healings as we went out & prayed for anyone who would let us! Before we went out, we prayed & asked the Lord to show us pictures of specific people with specific prayer requests. In that time, I saw a picture of a woman in a plaid button down shirt who needed physical healing. As soon as we walked out to the city centre, a woman in a plaid shirt walked by me! I ran up to her, told her I was a friend of God’s & He’d shown me a woman in a plaid shirt who needed healing for something. She was amazed & said she had a circulation problem in her arm-so I prayed! She was so encouraged that the Lord had highlighted her & though she didn’t feel any different after, she’s confident God wants to heal her. She also happened to be part of the church we were working with & was so inspired that we were pouring into her city.

After that, we moved on to Portstewart where I had the privilege of speaking to 200 kids at an public elementary school assembly! I taught them how to hear the voice of God for themselves & their friends! It was so powerful & just fun! The principal asked if we could come back every week! Amazing! Then we headed off to Sligo for a week, & now we are in Rosscommon staying at a monastery for a week! Our speaker is Ray Houghs, an amazing worship leader & scholar who deeply loves Ireland & the sound of the land!

Please be praying for our students to keep growing & also for my preparation for Nepal! Unfortunately, I have had a lot of potential supporters back out, & so I am in need of finances! Please be praying & asking the Lord if you can help in any way or if you know someone who can! I owe $5,000 for this lecture phase & to pay for my outreach to Nepal. I know the Lord has called me into the mission field-bringing the Kingdom of heaven down to earth is worth wages & He is faithful to provide! I would love for you to partner with me in this & I think YOU would love it too! My fruit is your fruit!

If you want to donate, you can go to the “Support” section of this blog & do so through pay pal.

Hope everyone has a blessed week!

He is big, He is good.

“I would run for a thousand years

if I knew every step would be getting me closer.

I’d swim to the ocean floor,

for my Lord is the treasure,

my Lord is the treasure.”

I haven’t been able to stop singing this simple song (above) the last few weeks. Oh Jesus be my treasure! Be what I desperately long for, what I seek with all my heart & all I have! The “pleasures” the world offers are of no value-at all! There is no second or third place! YOU have the first place, the only place! You are true life, true joy! All these things that I lay down are just pennies to the gold of you! Thank you for fulfilling every desire, every longing, even the deepest. Let me never forget the greatness of Your goodness.

Last week, our students had the privilege of learning all about the nature & character of God. Our speaker brought in some mind-blowing facts about the size of the universe & how small earth truly is in comparison…& yet God calls US – small, broken, & rebellious us – His crowning glory, His beloved, His children. WOW. His nature is vast & great beyond all measure & His character is love itself. Simplified, God is really BIG & He is really GOOD.

This kind of understanding is far too valuable to hold in! SO, as a school & a community we “hit the streets,” so to speak, & began praying for everyone who would receive it! It was amazing to see hard & hopeless hearts being softened & restored as they felt the sincere& close love of their once distant God. It seems like most know God but from very far away, so it was a privilege to share the truth that He’s closer than their skin-& always has been!

I love watching hearts come alive! On a similar note, I’m going to NEPAL!!!! My heart skips a beat just thinking about it! Once the “lecture phase” of the school is over, I will be co-leading a team to Nepal for three months (Oct-Jan). We will be partnering with houses of prayer, caring for the widows & orphans, & making treks through the Himalayas to share the Gospel with people who have never heard the name of Jesus! I couldn’t be more excited! The  team has already started getting in shape & doing “practice hikes” with our packs-but preparation in the place of prayer is most important!

Please be praying for:

> Dreams & visions of what God wants to do while we’re in Nepal.

> Protection over our hearts, bodies, & minds as the enemy is very real & very present in that nation (but God is WAY bigger).

>Finances & winter/hiking equipment.

>For the dead to be raised!

I know we still have two months here in Ireland, but it’s never to early to start praying for these things! Thank you for ALL your prayer & support!

xx

// NEPAL //

I have some very very exciting news!! At the end of October I will be leading a three month outreach to NEPAL! My two co-leaders (Micah Stephens & Susan Gray) & I will be taking a small, family-size team of four students across the world to trek through the Himalayas & share the gospel with unreached people groups!

More details to come.

Freedom

Here’s a small something I wrote this morning from what the Lord brought up over night in my heart…

“It seems I’ve made a huge mistake. I’ve missed what freedom is. I thought since I’ve been patiently waiting this last year & a half, constantly laying things down, making sacrifices, & giving things up without much in return, that I wouldn’t have to do all of that anymore. I’m walking out my destiny now, I’m in a state of fulfillment-so that should mean that I don’t have to sacrifice or be patient or go low anymore, right? Is this not freedom?

Far from it. It scares me sometimes, when the blackness of my heart is revealed. How quickly I demand a reward after a (small) season of hardship. When did Christ ever share this attitude? I believe He never did. He never saw being a servant as something seasonal, as I have done. He waited for the right time, came to earth, gave everything, receiving very little in return, then ascended back into heaven where He waits again, but also gives Himself again in intercession, on our behalf.

There is nothing that proves I deserves this. The evidence is ever against me. My slate is filthy, stained, hopeless. But it is in that place of recognizing I am nothing & He is everything, that the free, undeserved gift of His blood washes over me, cleans my slate, & gives me the power to say no to the arising desires of my flesh that I know lead me to death. His blood, this love, sets me free – truly free – to a place where I still serve, I still go low, I still consider others before myself, but by His strength, not my own. And this strength cannot fail. Hallelujah! This same strength conquered the grave, & now He lets me claim it & practice it daily. I am starting to look more like Jesus! What freedom comes from, not thinking less of myself, but thinking of myself less. My eyes are fixed on the one who saved me & made me something.

He was & is the glad servant of all, always.”

Ps. This is how we don’t get burned out in ministry-keeping our eyes on Jesus, daily filling up on intimacy with Him, & serving for the right reasons.

Romans 7:21-8:6

“I have discovered this principle of life – that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. I love God’s law with all my heart. But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. Oh what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin & death? Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God’s law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin.

So now there in no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. And because you belong to him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death. The law of Moses was unable to save us because of the weakness of our sinful nature. So God did what the law could not do. He sent his won Son in a body like the bodies we sinners have. And in that body God declared an end to sin’s control over us by giving his Son as a sacrifice for our sins. He did this so that the just requirement of the law would be fully satisfied for us, who no longer follow our sinful nature but instead follow the Spirit.

Those who are dominated by the sinful nature think about sinful things, but those who are controlled by the Holy Spirit think about things that please the Spirit. So letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to death. But letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life & peace.”

 

A night at the pub.

Every Tuesday night, some of the staff go out the the local pub to talk about the Lord with anyone who’s willing & simply build relationships with people. This last week was my first time out, but I didn’t even get a chance to go inside-for a very good reason though.

As I was walking up, I saw two young girls sitting at a bench maybe 100 feet away. I knew immediately the Lord wanted me to talk with them, but of course my flesh, also very immediately, came up with every excuse not too. “They’re probably waiting for a bus & leaving soon.” “They’d be super weirded out.” “I’m here to talk with people IN the pub & I haven’t even tried the Guinness yet.” Things like that. But, obedience to the Lord is what brought me to Ireland in the first place & I had decided to love the one, or in this case two, put in front of me, so I made my way over to the bench.

“Hi girls! I saw you from aways away & just knew I had to talk to you!” Nailed it. A little awkward, but nailed it. So we exchanged names & such, & of course they thought I was crazy for giving up sunny California for the rainy little village of Rostrevor, which was all they’d ever known. Sarah Louise (17) & Emma (16) began to tell me all about their lives, their school, & their experience with the Catholic Church. They both shared the same opinion that they “believed in God, but didn’t like the Church.” God was distant & required too much. My heart broke. I could see that they had grown up thinking that God had no desire to be involved in their lives. They didn’t know the love of the Father, the pursuit & grace of Jesus, & the peace of the Holy Spirit. So, I told them about the God that I knew, who was still the same God of both the Catholic & Protestant Church, but He didn’t take sides, He was personal, full of love & kindness, He met them where they were at, & wanted love only after they had first encountered HIS love.

They were excited & touched, but had some questions. Emma asked, “Well, let’s say I’m kissing a boy who’s been smoking weed…would God pull me away from that?” I laughed a little-she was so sweet, honest, & a little embarrassed. I told her that God wouldn’t pull her away from it in the sense that He’s angry that she’s doing such an awful thing, He would gently tell her that she deserves so much better, that she is much too valuable, that she’s a treasure. She was a little shocked by my answer & wiped away some tears. I told both of the girls that giving into the ways of the world is tempting for a reason, but it’s no sacrifice in light of what we gain in Christ. He is so much better! We decided to start meeting weekly to hang out, paint nails, & talk about what girls struggle with these days & what the Bible says about these things, rather than what their church might say (not meaning to be in defiance of the church, but sometimes you have to look past the religious institution & go straight to the living Word of God).

At the end of our conversation, the girls said they had been sitting on that bench for hours, bored, but waiting with the strange feeling that something special was going to happen. “That was God, wasn’t it!” they exclaimed in the precious Irish accents. I’d say it definitely was!!

So please be praying that these relationships are lasting ones, that I have the boldness to initiate this Bible study, & that their hearts are healed & opened to the truth of who God is!

Home

Greetings from Ireland, all of my dear family & friends! It’s an unusual, bright sunny day here-perfect for an update! After almost twenty hours of traveling, I made it to the YWAM base Rostrevor, Northern Ireland.
I am living with four other staff girls in a narrow, three story apartment with a perfect little red door, just down the street from the base. This week we have been spending half of our time in staff training, preparing for the school to come, & the other half in prayer for the G8 conference that is going on just a couple hours from where we are. If you haven’t heard of the G8 conference, it is a large strategy meeting with the world’s most influential, national leaders (including Obama), where they are discussing issues such as terrorism, world hunger, the energy crisis, etc. From 9am to 9pm, we have been taking shifts praying that the Holy Spirit would be so present & active in those meetings! Feel free to join in on praying for this meeting!
Well I hope that all is well wherever you may be! Sorry that this was such a short update-more to come soon! Know that I am being so blessed by the Lord & already feeling HIS great love for this land & people. I am home, & oh so happy.

Many blessings.

Ireland

     The other day, I saw this dainty little ring that was a crown. It’s not something that I would normally wear, but I was so strangely drawn to it that I just decided to buy it (it was only five dollars). The next morning, as I was spending time with the Lord, I heard him tell me to open to James chapter 1. The first verse that I saw was one I had underlined some time ago & not read in a while:

God blesses those who patiently endure testing & temptation. Afterward they will receive the crown of life which God has promised to those who love Him.

James 1:12

    I love how the Lord speaks through the most obscure little things sometimes! It’s been a year & a half since I came home & put my dreams aside for a while. In the beginning months I struggled to grasp God’s reasoning, but since then, I have come to understand, by His grace, that often before stepping into a greater “calling,” one must first step into greater character. I have learned hard work & sacrifice, how to go low in humility & choose joy. I certainly have not mastered these things, but in the least my eyes see more clearly their value. I desire humility. I desire to love whoever is put in front of me. If I cannot stay true to that while at home, how can I expect to sincerely do the same in the nations?

   Well, like I said, this lesson of love is not yet completed, nor will it ever be-it’s a journey… but one which now includes me moving to IRELAND! I spent two months there in the fall of 2011, & it truly felt like home, and the people I was with, like family. This is a dream come true, & one that I could not be more thankful for. I will be leaving in June to join the YWAM base in Rostrevor, Northern Ireland, where we will be running a discipleship training school, beginning July 14 (that my little brother will be a student in!!!!!). After that, I am committing to the base for a minimum of 2-5 years. It really all depends on what the Lord says, but either way, I long to see the lost saved in Ireland, the Church unified, & all of them trained to be world-changers. All of it by His love & for His love!

     The excitement is almost unbearable as my next great adventure awaits in just five months time. Now the challenge is to not waste this time, as I still have three jobs to keep up-all of which I am genuinely thankful for & in some ways, will have a hard time parting with. I’ve made a number of lifelong friendships that have blessed me & saved me, really. They will not be lost, though, as I make my big move to the Emerald Isle.

     As I am entering back into “the mission field,” I would love for you to consider supporting me first prayerfully, then financially. For more info on how, just click on the SUPPORT link above.

     I pray for all of you that this will be a year of promises fulfilled!

    – Proverbs 13:12-